Friday, December 31, 2010
"Love is all that you can't leave behind"
Yet another year flew by. Inevitably for me, there's a sense of nostalgia whenever another year comes to an end. I am never sure whether I want it to end but it is out of my hands so all I can really do is go with the flow. Smile. Drink champagne. Kiss someone at midnight. Make room for other feelings such as the anxiety and the excitement for something new...a new year, a new start. When I was a high school teenager and a college student afterward, the nostalgia was mixed with the feeling of being utterly annoyed by the fact that the holidays were ending, school was about to start, and more exams were knocking at my door. I can't say that I loved being in school back then, even though I always had good grades. I am now grateful and glad that I stuck with it but back then all I wanted was to be free and sometimes school felt as a form of confinement and not challenging enough to keep me interested. I wanted to experience life, travel the world, meet new people, listen to music, hang out with friends, read books, go to the beach and be a free spirit. I enjoyed learning about the stuff that I liked and was interested in. The rest, I'd just wing it. Not to brag, but I'm kind of smart :P - luckily I used to be able to go through the course material of an entire semester in just two or three days right before the exam and because it was about stuff that I really didn't like, I was just happy to get it done and put it behind me.
I don't really do New Year resolutions. I have an idea about what I'd like to do next but I'm not dead set on it. Things can change. I could find myself, 3 months later, wanting to do something different or enjoying something I never expected to. I don't plan stuff so far ahead, although I'm quite an organized person. So if you ask me about any big plans for 2011, I don't have a very specific or elaborate answer. I want to travel more. I want to smile more. I want to keep hanging on to the kid inside me - I have succeeded so far. I want to love chocolate less than I do, my pancreas and my kidneys must hate me. I want to make more friends and meet my internet friends in real life. I want to see fewer discriminating and intolerant people. I want to be able to swim in the ocean. I have an eternal fascination with the sea and the ocean, even though I almost drowned three times in my life. That's a pretty good sign I should probably stay away from deep waters, they freak me out. I am not a good swimmer but I can't hate the sea. I just can't. I feel drawn to it, and it shakes me to my core because of the conflicting emotions it triggers inside me: peaceful, restless, overwhelming, uplifting. It is the beginning and the end at the same time. But one day...I will swim in the ocean. At this point in time, it is not very likely to happen but it is not impossible. The dream of me swimming in the ocean is there. And that makes it a possibility. Until then, the best I can do is breathe and exhale. Enjoy now. Worry later. Maybe if I keep postponing worrying, I will eventually just stop doing it and forget all about it. Take the "Scarlett O'Hara approach": "I won't think about it now. I'll think about it tomorrow". Cross bridges when I get to them. Have a glass of wine, hug my loved ones, smile at the cute kitty I keep seeing around my building, write on my blog and thank each and every one of you for taking the time to read it.
What do I want for all of us? I want for all of us to be kinder, more patient, less hard on ourselves. Hang on to our dreams wherever we are. A new year means more time. More time is ultimately a gift. Enjoy it and make the best of it. "Walk on. What you got, they can't deny it, can't sell it or buy it".
May we all have a peaceful, healthy and joyful 2011 !